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Fic: Muscle Memory (Baltar/Gaeta: NC-17) - millarific
Fic: Muscle Memory (Baltar/Gaeta: NC-17)
Title: Muscle Memory
Author: millarific
Characters: Baltar, Gaeta
Pairing: Baltar/Gaeta
Wordcount: 1,487
Rating: R
SPOILERS: Through "Revelations"
Warnings: Minor amounts of d/s, mentions of amputated limbs
Summary: An uneasy reunion for Gaius and Felix in a place where nothing is right.
Author's Notes: This is the entire version of a comment ficlet written for the multifandom Sekrit!Cabal Porn Battle Version 3.0, over at cerebel_fics (It's open to anyone to write until July 29, 2008 so go write porn!!) The prompt was "agony".

Earth is a joke.

A sick, cosmic joke.

Felix figures the only joke sicker is the one where Felix’s leg was shot off in the chase for this stupid pipe dream of a planet. His agony, his sacrifice – for nothing.

Hobbling around the tent set up for him in Earth’s irradiated dirt, placing the framed photo of his parents atop a few storage boxes, Felix finds out that in fact, the cosmos has one last joke in mind for him, even sicker than the last:

Gaius Baltar is standing at the threshold to his tent, body slightly bowed, his voice quiet and tentative, asking if it’s okay to come in.

A sudden, heaving laughter consumes Felix. Baltar’s shocked reaction only makes Felix laugh harder, so hard that his crutches begin to slip out from under him. Felix is surprised – for a moment, ruefully touched – when the sight of Felix teetering sends Baltar flying over the threshold in a panic and into Felix’s arms. His strong, still whole, godsdamn him body pins Felix close as he struggles to help keep Felix upright.

Felix shakes him off like an insect. “Frak, Gaius! I can handle it!”

He realizes too late that he’s used his given name. In his vengeful dreams, Felix has always kept things formal between them; even in his dreams, he needs distance to tell the man off properly, to catalog his sins with the requisite amount of dispassion.

This is not at all how their reunion goes in his dreams.

It certainly doesn’t involve Gaius’ warm breath tickling his at his ear. It doesn’t involve him bending in to lean atop one of Felix crutches, whispering, “I miss you.”

“Liar,” Felix says through gritted teeth. He yanks Gaius’ head into a violent kiss that tears Gaius open and plucks a keening whine from the back of the his throat. Felix lets go only when he feels Gaius’ desperate gasps for breath. Using the arm strength he built in rehab, he flings Gaius off him and sends him stumbling backward onto the unused cot.

A cruel, self-satisfied smirk crosses Felix’s face at the panicky desire he recognizes in Gaius. But Gaius is already sloughing off his leather jacket, fumbling at his shirt buttons, keeping one  amazed eye on Felix, who despite the crutches, is closing the distance between them with surprising speed.

Insofar as this moment has had any planning behind it at all, Felix meant it as a violation. But the Gods evidently have a sense of humor about these things. With just that one kiss, Felix’s cock is already straining against his trousers. His lips are swollen and stained with the taste of Gaius Baltar, a taste which Felix angrily realizes that he hasn’t lost the need for.

“I want you naked,” Felix orders as he stands over the bed, fully clothed. His voice sounds colder, more like his dreams now. “Completely.”

Gaius’ eyes widen, but to Felix’s surprise, he obeys without protest. Felix watches wordlessly as Gaius strews his clothes and presents his pale, naked body. His cock, thick and already wet at the tip, only becomes harder under Felix’s begrudging approval. From the perch of his crutches, Felix notes how much thinner Gaius’s nude body is than it was on New Caprica.

Felix’s hand grazes over his own crotch, pointing to his bulging erection. Gaius immediately reaches out and undoes the belt buckle, until Felix stops him with a grunt.

“Use your mouth,” he demands, curious to see how far this will go. Again, Gaius obeys, eyes fluttering as if under a spell. The sound of Felix’s zipper competes with the howling wind outside the tent. The feel of Gaius’ warm breath, even through his boxers, pulls a violent shudder out of Felix. He grabs his cock, one part offering, two parts command. A choked moan escapes Gaius’ lips as Felix fills him, grabbing his thick tresses for purchase.

Felix pumps savagely into Gaius’ mouth. He wants it to be him that takes Gaius, not the other way around. Still, Felix can’t help the weakness building in his thighs, and all too soon, he’s the one who’s gasping for breath, whimpering on the edge of coming, using all his arm strength just to keep the crutches straight. The sight of Gaius’ dark red, soft lips, stretched around his cock, servicing him, is more than Felix can bear.

He comes loudly, with a shiver that vibrates through his entire body, all his nerve endings tingling as he collapses weak-kneed onto the crutches, panting and wobbly.

Through lidded eyes, he watches Gaius wipe his mouth clean, unfold himself and walk straight up to him. Felix isn’t sure how he feels about this, if this feels safe enough, but then Gaius Baltar has never been about safe for Felix. He’s always been about this intoxicating, shivering feeling that makes Felix want to chase a dream across the universe.

True to form, Gaius is embracing him, tugging at the crutches underneath Felix, and at first, Felix panics at the idea Baltar will make him fall, like he always does. But Gaius is surprisingly strong for someone so thin, and Felix hears the crutches clatter in the dirt, feels himself levitated into Gaius’ arms, laid onto the bed. It actually feels tender.

But once he’s on his back, finally starting to breathe normally, he feels hands tugging at his pants, pulling them down his legs, boxers and all.

“No!” he cries. He doesn’t want Gaius to see his leg, severed at the knee. He doesn’t want his triumph washed away in one squirming, terrified moment.  

“I miss you,” Gaius whispers again, dreamlike, and this time, Felix isn’t so sure it’s a lie. Before he knows it, he’s letting Gaius yank the clothes down over his ankles and onto the dirt floor.

His stump of a leg, severed at the knee, is there for Gaius to see. Felix holds his breath, guarded, waiting for Gaius to break, like he always does.

He feels Gaius’ fingers tracing soft, lazy circles on the exposed stump. Felix inspects his gaze carefully, but there is no hint of recoil, sadness, or condescension.

“We’ll have to make some adjustments, of course,” he says simply, matter-of-fact, and somehow, Felix knows he’s referring to the rest of their lives together.

Felix’s jacket and tanks come off easily after that, and then they are both lying on their sides, naked – Gaius still hard, eyes filled with lust, Felix sated and damp with sweat. Felix gently reaches for Gaius’ cock and is taken aback by how muscle memory takes over; it’s so familiar in his hand. His amazement sparks a laugh in back of his throat.

“Well, I’ve always thought it was pretty impressive, myself,” Gaius jokes softly, misunderstanding Felix's laughter. “I never heard you complain.”

Felix grimaces and starts pumping Gaius’ cock with sure, devoted strokes, rubbing underneath the tip with his thumb. Gaius goes weak with aching gasps that this time are no longer about fighting for breath, but about showing Felix every prismatic ray of his desire. Felix marks him with little nips of his teeth and rough, sucking kisses, trailing up and down Gaius’ neck.

“I…I…” Gaius’ tiny breaths reverberate in Felix’s head as Gaius flails into a frantic, high-pitched begging. “I won’t hurt you again,” he gasps into Felix’s neck. “I promise.” 

A wave of nausea passes over Felix, so fast, it’s almost gone by the time he really feels it. “Let’s wait on that one, all right?” he admonishes over Gaius’ moans, which have fallen into metronomic rhythm with the pumping of Felix’s hand. “How about a promise we’re sure you can keep?”

Gaius bucks into Felix, eyes wide, limbs shivering, his entire body desperate for release. “Wh-what?”

Felix quickens the pace of his strokes. “How about this?” he proposes. “How about you come for me? Right now, right here?” He sees how the words, husky and wavering with emotion, only turn Gaius on more.

“Come for me, Gaius,” he repeats over and over. “Come for me. Come for me.” His voice is gaining strength and confidence with every repetition, until Gaius climaxes messily into Felix’s hand, his cries loud and rasping. He falls apart against Felix’s body, panting so hard, his every breath is a high-pitched squeak.

Curving one arm around Gaius, Felix uses the other to flick the dripping semen off his hand into the dirt. He wordlessly brings up his open palm and presses it to Gaius’ lips, watching Gaius lap up the excess until Felix’s hand is clean again. Gaius hunches down to nestle into Felix’s chest, the two of them lost in blissful exhaustion.

“Where do we go from here?” Gaius asks after a while, nestled into Felix’s chest. This time, Felix isn’t sure if he means them, or humanity.

“I don’t know,” he admits. For the first time in forever, Felix realizes he has yet to give up hope.



Tags: , , ,
Current Location: home
Current Mood: triumphant
Current Music: Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog

24 comments or Leave a comment
daybreak777 From: daybreak777 Date: July 21st, 2008 07:33 am (UTC) (Link)
I'll say it again here. So glad the boys are back and you are writing again.

Oh, and damn, that's good porn. And Felix does not have to move on alone. Lots of yay, for that! :-)
millari From: millari Date: July 21st, 2008 07:43 am (UTC) (Link)
You're so nice to comment again here! I too am glad the boys are back, sans leg and everything.

And yeah, I'm rather happy with the porn today. :)

It's probably a failing of mine as a writer, but I don't care. I could *not* make Felix move on without someone there (preferably Gaius) for him. Just couldn't do that to him.
falafel_musings From: falafel_musings Date: July 21st, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yay! New Baltar/Gaeta from you! I totally pounced on this.

I really like how frakked off Felix is at this stage - with Gaius, with his leg, with earth, with the Gods. Yep, I can't say I blame him. I can see his need to be in control of their sex-play since he is now literally teetering, always on the verge of collapse. Felix panics at the idea Baltar will make him fall, like he always does. Aww. There is a great mix of emotion here. Gaius saying he misses him and he won't hurt him again doesn't fully convince me either. But they still feed off each other.

Hot fic! I look forward to more.
millari From: millari Date: July 21st, 2008 02:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh, you'll notice that I pounced right on yours too.

Yeah, I can't blame Felix either. I have actually been having a lot of trouble imagining writing Baltar/Gaeta sex fic after the amputation. So this is the first time for both me and Felix. :)

I think what finally made it possible for me to write it was to imagine Felix angry and despondent enough about something bigger than Gaius. Yeah, he's really angry with Gaius, but his anger at him dwarfs in comparison with the existential anger he now feels about having the rug pulled out from under him about Earth.

Yet, I think he'd have to exorcise some of that helpless feeling Gaius provokes in him, in order to ever consider letting Gaius near him again. He had to control Gaius a bit at first, both to feel safe and to make Gaius do a little penance, as it were. :)

You me and Felix, none of us are really convinced about Gaius' promises. He makes them too easily, without thinking them through to see if he can actually follow through with them. But it's kind of hard to hate him for it because you get the impression that he really believes in his promises in the moment.

I think that that was Felix's downfall for so long. He knows better now than to believe in Gaius' promises in that earnest way he used to, but yeah, they still feed off each other, as you say.

Thanks so much for commenting!
falafel_musings From: falafel_musings Date: July 21st, 2008 06:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Poor Felix. There was a tense and alienated feeling to his physicality even before the leg amputation. Now it's so much worse for him.

He makes them too easily, without thinking them through to see if he can actually follow through with them. But it's kind of hard to hate him for it because you get the impression that he really believes in his promises in the moment.

Wow. That is a great comment about Gaius. He is almost childlike in his impulsiveness. He does want to be sincere. But you're right he just doesn't think things through.
blue_crow From: blue_crow Date: July 21st, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
I love this treatment of them. The way that Felix is torn between need and distaste, between rejecting Gaius and demanding him. A lot of the little lines, the double use of language really pleases me, Felix panics at the idea Baltar will make him fall, like he always does does seem to be the line that sums it all up.

And all the tension makes for a pretty hot scene, which is somewhat more to the point. I personally have a thing for Gaeta demanding things from Gaius, and I like the way Gaius's fondness for begging carries over. Gaius's commenting on his own cock nearly killed me, because that's so true to character from him.

They are so cute, even when Felix is damaged and Gaius is probably either lying or unable to tell the truth about something like that.
millari From: millari Date: July 21st, 2008 05:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the lovely comment! And I'm very psyched that you noticed and appreciated all the doubling of language I used, because I get such a kick out of doing it; it's nice when someone notices.

One of the things I really like about Felix/Gaius as a pairing is the way that they seem really fluid in their roles. Certainly, Felix can be sub to Gaius, and has had such a crush on him; but then Felix is also one of the very few people on BSG whom Gaius sometimes listens to when he's being called out on his bullshit. If they were ever actually together as a couple, I could see Gaius being attracted to that. And Gaius definitely has a passive/sub streak in him. They can so easily be put back and forth in the top and bottom roles and still seem in character.

That being said, I do have a special place in my heart for letting Felix have the upper hand. Felix deserves to be in charge more often. :) I absolutely adore the fic series you've been writing for that. Alpha!Gaeta is really pretty hot, when he musters up the resolve.

And indeed they are cute! They're cute in your fic too, leaking out around the edges. I love that.

Thanks for reading and for commenting!
blue_crow From: blue_crow Date: July 21st, 2008 06:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
They certainly do. They're fun with that, that they're not really the traditional "uke" and "seme" cliches so frequently used in slash fanfiction and fandom, not the little boy and big man. They have all kinds of tension on so many levels, and when the cliches should dictate that Gaius should be "the man" because of rank and age, it doesn't settle, at least not all the time.

Felix is so hot when he's aggressive. Its just fun to play with, though it deprives Gaius of a chance to be smooth and in control, which is lovely as well.

Thanks for writing!
theastolat From: theastolat Date: July 22nd, 2008 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)
This is actually the first Baltar/Gaeta I've read. Also the first bsg manslash I've read, but then, I supposed that's appropriate.

I found this rather moving. I find it interesting the way he comes to terms with his leg when Gaius regards its absence as inessential to his identity. Because Gaius is pretty much all about image, self image, and the intrinsic relation to his own identity. For someone of his intelligence, someone all about the mind, he's a fiercely physical person. No more evident in his little rant to Laura about loving life in "The Hub".

And I loved your characterization of Felix. So genuine.
millari From: millari Date: July 22nd, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nice to know that you have not been scared away from BSG manslash by my story. :)

I was recently at my first slash writers' con, which rudely awakened me to the fact that BSG is considered a slash wasteland. I personally don't see that. In my (um, possibly a little biased) eyes, Baltar and Gaeta seem incredibly slashy, but also Helo, despite his marriage to Sharon, strikes me too as open to it, as does Anders and maybe even Lee and Tyrol.

That's an interesting reflection on Gaius. I think you're right. In fact, his obsession with image put quite a chill on my Baltar/Gaeta slash writing for a few months after the amputation episode. I ultimately decided when writing this that if Gaius *did* try and approach Felix again, the part of him that sees himself as so enlightened and more of the mind than everyone else would consciously decide to believe that Felix's lost leg was inessential to his identity, as you so nicely put it.

Felix, meanwhile, once really valued Gaius' approval. Despite himself, I think he still does, when not blinded by anger. So I think Gaius' acceptance would be a litmus test for Felix in coming to terms with his leg. Plus, I think, Felix's take on it might also be that if someone as shallow as Gaius Baltar is saying it's not a big deal, then maybe it isn't.

Thanks for reading and commenting!
theastolat From: theastolat Date: July 23rd, 2008 02:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Of course Gaeta and Baltar are slashy! Who says they aren't? Those people are blind.

And wasteland? Wouldn't say that. Lee's pretty darn slashable. He has tension with just about everyone.

Bill/Saul! Come on!
millari From: millari Date: July 23rd, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bill/Saul! How could I forget. They are totally the slashiest! When they got into that fight about Caprica Six getting pregnant, it almost felt like fanservice. ;)

theastolat From: theastolat Date: July 23rd, 2008 01:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Fraks yeah!
I applauded.
nicole_anell From: nicole_anell Date: July 22nd, 2008 10:56 am (UTC) (Link)
GUH. This was hot.

And I like your Felix all dark and dominant, and yet the notes of tenderness between them.
millari From: millari Date: July 22nd, 2008 06:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey, thanks for breaking your NC-17 rule for me. Glad you liked.

Something about this particular porn battle brings out the dark, dominant Felix in my writing, I think. But you know, it's the boys. I can't help but sneak a little tenderness in there somewhere.
nicole_anell From: nicole_anell Date: July 22nd, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
*gasp* I have no such rule! I don't write it but I'll read it.
millari From: millari Date: July 22nd, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah, clearly! I mean, given your incredibly hot icon. I apparently misunderstood. :)
(Deleted comment)
millari From: millari Date: July 23rd, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks very much! Somehow, setting this reunion on dystopian!Earth made the sexing much easier to write. I'm glad you liked it. And thanks for taking the time to comment!
novin_ha From: novin_ha Date: July 24th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Always nice to stumble across a piece of G/G that does not try to make Gaius dominant.

“I won’t hurt you again,” he gasps into Felix’s neck. “I promise.”

A wave of nausea passes over Felix, so fast, it’s almost gone by the time he really feels it.

I like it when Gaius's record does not get forgotten.

Gaius's so does miss Gaeta. I just bet he does.
millari From: millari Date: July 25th, 2008 04:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the positive comments! These two are my OTP, and I feel *very* protective of Felix, so I couldn't make their reunion be just a repeat of the exploitative way Baltar treated Felix during Season 3.

Felix wouldn't just forget Gaius' record, even if he still is attracted to him. In fact, I think he'd have bitterness to get over, and he'd be awfully guarded. It sounds like you think this came through, so I'm glad.

Awww...I do think even in canon, Gaius does miss Felix a bit, when he bothers to think about it, even though what he probably misses is how Felix's admiration made him feel. For a long time, Felix was the only person on Galactica actually willing to treat him like a friend, and I have to think that over time, that must have come to mean *something* to him.

Thanks again for reading.
brandinsbabe From: brandinsbabe Date: July 27th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
oh wow. this was really good! im glad to see some gaius/gaeta fic with their newer set of circumstances. you pulled it off really well.
millari From: millari Date: July 27th, 2008 04:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks very much! They're a really fun pairing to work with, even at their most challenging of circumstances in canon. I'm glad others enjoyed it too.

Btw, I have gotten much use out of your icon in the past year or so since I snagged it. So thanks! :)
From: irradiatedsoup Date: June 8th, 2009 11:42 am (UTC) (Link)
True to form, Gaius is embracing him, tugging at the crutches underneath Felix, and at first, Felix panics at the idea Baltar will make him fall, like he always does.

This, yes. This line is perfect.

I am hopeless at feedback, but this was great. I'm fond of needy!Gaius. Also: hot!
millari From: millari Date: June 8th, 2009 05:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw! All these comments at once! I'm flattered!

I'm glad you liked this fic, and that needy!Gaius worked for you. :) And thanks for noting that line. I worked hard on the wordplay and moments of multiple meaning in this fic, so it's nice to have it appreciated.
24 comments or Leave a comment